


The Second Plague

by Zab43



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comedy, Exodus - Freeform, Frogs, Gen, Literal Translations, plagues of egypt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26388280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zab43/pseuds/Zab43
Summary: So here’s a strange thing - in Hebrew the plague of frogs visited on Egypt is described in one line as being a frog - singular F.R.O.G. (well obviously not F.R.O.G. as it’s in Hebrew but you get what I mean):Exodus 8.5-8.6Then the Lord said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, `Stretch out your hand with your staff over the streams and canals and ponds, and make frogs come up on the land of Egypt.'"So Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt, and the FROG came up and covered the land.So I got to thinking: Who would you get to call up a plague of frogs?… and who would be so bloody minded as to take that one singular ‘frog’ literally?
Relationships: Dagon & Hastur & Ligur (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	The Second Plague

**Author's Note:**

> Read this on the internet and did some digging and apparently it is really true and scholars/Rabbis have debated the meaning of the singular ‘frog’ in all seriousness. Go on. Look it up if you don’t believe me…

The night was cool and dark and the bar crowded with drinkers. At a table sat a tall figure, covered with the dust of the desert. He was talking to his shorter companion and both were sniggering in a malicious way. They both looked very pleased with themselves.

The door slammed open and time froze. Well, it froze for all but the tall man and his companion.

“Hastur! What in Satan’s name do you think you’re playing at?” screamed a woman with shimmering scales on her face, baring her sharp pointed teeth menacingly.

“Dunno what you mean. Done the curse, plague whatever. Dunno why we’re taking contracts from Her anyway. Thought we’d given up following Her orders” He said sulkily.

“You know blessed well what I mean”. The reply didn’t seem to have any impact as Hastur turned back to his drink trying his best to ignore the waves of anger coming off the other demon.

“Do I have to spell it out?” Apparently she did as he just shrugged. “The Frog Hastur. The blessed Frog. It’s meant to be a plague of frogs - emphasis on the ‘s’ F.R.O.G.S. It ain’t a plague if there’s only one of ‘em”.

Hastur hunched his shoulders muttering into his beer “human said frog - tzfarde'a - F.R.O.G. in the singular. He waved his arms about an called up a frog to ‘cover the land’ I was there”.

His companion backed him up “Yeah, he said frog, a frog to cover the land and that's what Hastur give 'im: one frog to cover the whole of the land”. He dissolved in giggles at this point.

Dagon huffed angrily “he meant frogs - anyone could tell that - why in Heaven’s name would he call up one GIANT FROG?? That’s not a plague that’s an abomination”.

Hastur glowered at his beer and muttered in a sulky belligerent tone “said frog so he got a frog, shoulda been more careful. If he’d’a wanted frogs should’a said frogs”

Dagon was looking dangerous and yelled back at him “you know what he meant. You know what the original instruction was: She said to that Moses guy ‘Go to Pharaoh and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. If you refuse to let them go, I will send a plague of frogs on your whole country’ that’s frogs in the plural Hastur F.R.O.G.S.”

Ligur, for he was the other, waded in on the argument. “We ain’t bin given the original instructions ‘ave we? We only got what that human said AND we gotta do it properly, literally. He said frog”. He grinned triumphantly.

Hastur muttered almost inaudibly “why we takin’ contracts from Her anyway, thought that was the point. No more orders? Why’s I gotta do these blessed plagues now anyway?”

“You know why. Beelzebub told you to that’s why” Dagon’s eyes flickered a little uncertainly. This was an aspect that had been bothering her too. Beelzebub was the boss and you did what she said…. but all these secret meetings with that Archangel and now they were expected to summon plagues for Her. She just hoped they were getting something big in return.

“Stupid idea anyway, that Pharaoh ain’t gonna give in to plagues of blessed frogs is he? Gotta be sommat bigger than that. You seen what he thought of the ‘rivers to blood’ malarkey, practically laughed at it”. Ligur was nodding along with this.

Dagon shoved her misgivings to one side. Hastur’s insubordination was really starting to irk her. “That’s not your concern. We’ve got a contract and we’re going to follow it to the letter no matter how stupid”.

Hastur looked up triumphantly “so frog it is then. He said frog he gets a frog”.

Ligur’s grin just about topped it off and Dagon lost it, screaming at the top her voice: “I’m only going to say this once: Get rid of the frog!”

The tall demon sighed “oh alright then, but it ain’t gonna work, he ain’t gonna give up over a load of old frogs, then what? We gonna keep doing these stupid little things, he’s gonna keep ignoring them, then what?”.

Dagon grinned “I read the contract - if he does ignore ‘em there’s one ‘plague’ you’ll love right at the end….”


End file.
